An Open Letter to HR

Growing up, I can remember hearing my step-dad talk about an entity he called Personal. It was a department at his company, every company really, that served one primary purpose: to take care of it's employees.

Sure they also happened to hire people, fire people, pay people, settle disputes, etc but all of those functions served the before mentioned main goal of keeping their employees happy. A happy workforce = a more productive workforce = greater profits. A simple enough formula, right? You would think.

But sometime between my step-dad retiring from BellSouth after 35 years of service (gold watch in hand) and today, something changed. Corporations' Personnel departments changed. It didn't happen overnight, and I'm not sure what started it. But slowly and surely, they shifted from mainly looking out for the individual to looking out for the company's best interests. Aka, avoid any and all potential lawsuits at any costs: including productivity, practical business sense, and even common sensical human behavior.

That shift gradually led to a point in time (we'll call it today for the sake of argument) in which companies existed solely to create profit and yes, consume resources. Enter Human Resources. No longer are we personnel, but rather a resource that is to be consumed. Ouch.

Now don't get me wrong. I certainly appreciate making a profit. In fact, I am a big fan of it. But what happens to an entire workforce when they are coddled to the point of being herded around as yes men/women and actually heralded for their abundant use of politically correct statements.

So I propose this...moving forward let's re-org Human Resources into two new departments: Talent and Drama. There marching orders will be very clear. Talent will be responsible for finding and recruiting all new talent for the company. The actual hiring of people will reside where it's always resided: management. Talent will be a small team of unique individuals who, like Major League Scouts, comb the country looking for the top performers in a wide variety of categories or roles.

But what about solving all of the petty (or not so petty) disputes that arise between people within the organization? I'm glad you asked. The second half of the newly designed organization will be somewhat reminiscent of high school: Drama Department. I'm not talking about the one that put on pre-pubescent versions of Shakespeare's Hamlet. I'm talking about the other kind of drama. (If you're not sure what I'm describing, please click here.)

Drama Department will be responsible for dealing with all civil disputes between employees. But only if it's really ridiculous. That's relative you say? Ok, the first round of mediation will be held with a neutral third party from another department. That person will decide, over lunch/cup of coffee, whether or not the dispute needs to be elevated to the Drama Department.

Anything elevated to the Drama Department will have serious and lasting consequences...when deserved. If someone is just being petty and frivalous. They will be told so. If their pettiness continues, they will be asked to return to high school. Companies are for grown ups.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I appreciate the ever so difficult chore of dealing with people. Something I know little of or have any real knowledge of beyond what I've read from some text book you probably wrote yourself.

Good luck,
Just Another Concerned Employee